Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
