I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
