We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
