do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
