he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
