No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
