Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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