What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
