remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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