Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
