i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
