is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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