apparently the secret to your success is patron
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
