Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Boobs speak an international language.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
