is your mom at the bar?
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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