Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
