Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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