It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
