i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
