awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize