Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
