I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
