i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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