He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
