Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
