bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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