what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize