Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
