I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
