You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Less talking, more tequila
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
