I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think my moral compass just broke
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
