you guys were way drunker than both of me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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