She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
