Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
