at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
