true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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