I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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