your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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