I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
40s are totally the cure
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize