i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
