Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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