I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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