Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
