You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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