last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
