I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Boobs speak an international language.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
