New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
