Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
