I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
