I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
