I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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