I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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