I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
