you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
