did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
