Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
