Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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