I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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