Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize