mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
