New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
