I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize