Cold hands, warm shart.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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