since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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