He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
