chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize