Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
