im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
