dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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